• Faithfully Failing Him

You deserve it.

“You deserve it.”

That was a text I woke to this morning.

I had been texting a friend the night before about wanting a new car.

A minivan to be exact.

I drive a sedan, it’s not old, it’s in great condition, it’s a nice model with leather heated seats and chrome handles, and the best part…

It is paid for.

But I have two kids in car-seats, I have strollers, portable changing tables, diaper bags and back packs

and ALL.THE.THINGS. that come along with parenting young kids.

And my little sedan, as nice as it is, just makes life a little hard sometimes because there is simply not enough room.

My friend meant beauty and love in her message, “You deserve it.”

Without actually saying the words she said,

You work hard.

You have done well making do.

You do the right things.

So you deserve to get what you want.

Instead of screaming a “Heck Yes I do!” at that text I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, “You deserve nothing but the grace God has freely given you.”

Ugh…heart check.

I don’t know about you, I speak only of myself, but I am definitely a person who often believes she is deserving.

I ate healthy all week so I deserve a trip to the bakery on Saturday.

I worked hard all week so on payday I deserve to buy myself new shoes.

I couponed like a champ at the grocery and saved us $50 so I deserve to spend some of that savings on a little something from Hobby Lobby.

I was up with the baby half the night, I deserve an overpriced Starbucks instead of the free office coffee.

When my husband is out of town for work and I have to work full time, parent full time, and find a way to pick up kids—who are in school and daycare on opposite sides of town—and do meals, bedtime and dishes and laundry all myself…

Well, when he returns I always believe I DESERVE an afternoon to myself.

I think because I’ve had to parent our kids alone I deserve some sort of consolation prize.

But the truth is, I don’t deserve a thing.

I do not deserve a reward for life being hard.

I do not deserve a minivan because I cannot always fit everything I wish into my little sedan.

I do not deserve an indulgence because I decide for a time period to treat my body as a temple.

I do not deserve to be selfish because I gave myself selflessly.

I do not deserve to spend because I saved.

I don’t deserve GRACE and FORGIVENESS but I get those things

because I AM SAVED.

I only receive grace and forgiveness because I have surrendered in repentance and asked for it.

I don’t deserve things of this world and if I get nothing in return for what I give outward that is enough.

If my only reward is eternity with Christ and nothing else ever goes my way…

THAT IS ENOUGH.

I don’t deserve anything this world has to offer and I pray to get to a point in life where I don’t believe that I do.

Maybe the conviction I felt today was the first step.

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