I wrote this phrase as a prayer, a prayer that I desperately want God to grant me. I want Him to instill these traits in my soul as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a human.
I find far too often the most used weapon in my arsenal is yelling. Other weapons of choice are annoyed sighs and huffs — my husband tends to get those — another I tend to use is ambivalence. I have times I am completely unraveled, I just say “do whatever you want, I don’t care.” I do care, I care very much but often I am done and ambivalence is all I have left.
I lack grace. Instead of using grace as my shield in the battle I use anger, frustration, and exhaustion.
When anger is my shield my weapon is yelling, when I shield myself in frustration I sigh and huff, and out of exhaustion I am ambivalent.
It is hard to type those words to describe myself, but those words are true.
I put together a prayer of who I want to be as a mother. I want to be patient, still, and calm.
I want grace to be my shield.
Grace is love, grace is mercy, grace is the strength to endure trial and resist temptation. If I shield my heart with grace I will be slow to anger, my patience will be extended, and I will not grow weary. I will be able to withstand the storms and not succumb to the them.
I want these traits to flourish in every aspect of my life.
I want to not grow weary.
I want to shield my heart from becoming unraveled.
I want to cover it all with GRACE.
I want KINDNESS to be my weapon.